Prayer Beads

Prayer Beads

I long to leave the doctor’s life behind,
but patients are still pulling at my sleeve.
I head for healing of another kind.

Four days a week I keep a writer’s mind
and pray the words and stanzas flow with ease.
I long to leave the doctor’s life behind.

The other three are days I run behind
the schedule and try my best to please.
I need a healing that is soft and kind.

My pen moves smoothly over pages lined
in purple ink. I argue my conceits.
I long to leave the doctor’s life behind.

I think I know myself, but am I blind?
The writing life is bitter and it’s sweet,
a font of healing of another kind.

For years I’ve held these prayer beads in my mind,
but now it’s time to scatter them like seeds.
I long to leave the doctor’s life behind,
to head for healing of another kind.

About This Poem:
 

• The last few poems in my chapbook deal with the duality of the retirement process. On one hand, I longed for a chance to have more time for writing. On the other hand, I knew it would be painful to say goodbye to patients who had been with me for twenty-five years or more.
• The villanelle is a poetry form that is suited well to this duality. The stanzas alternate between two ending lines, making a sort of chorus for the music set up by the rhythm.
• In May 2020, I wrote this poem in an online poetry class called “Form and Freedom.” Murphy Writing sponsored the class, and Stephanie Cawley led it. I’ve written before about how I like writing in form sometimes, about how distracting the conscious mind with the rules of form allows the unconscious mind to emerge.
• In Fall 2021, this poem appeared in The Healing Muse, Volume 21.